GABRIELLE: “Another 22 leagues to go? How is it Man can solve the riddle of the Sphinx but he still can’t make a decent road map? I don’t know.”
GABRIELLE: “Please! Please!”
GABRIELLE: “Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!”
GABRIELLE: “You son of a ”

Gabrielle laughs

MAN: “Hey there don’t I know you? Come on, Come on, yeah you’re the chatty one, hah hah! Boy you’ve changed since I saw you.”
GABRIELLE: “Oh well yes. You know it’s a sad story, which which began with King Sisyphus.”
MAN: “Sisyphus I met him once a fat man.”
GABRIELLE: “Well actually he’s thin.”
MAN: “Never married.”
GABRIELLE: “His wife’s name is Karras and she’s lovely.”
MAN: “Dumber than a door post.”
GABRIELLE: “Are we talking about the same Sisyphus?”
MAN: “‘Fraid this is where our paths diverge, you sure you’re gonna be all right?”
GABRIELLE: “Mm hmm.”
MAN: “You know it’s still a day’s walk to Potadeia.”
GABRIELLE: “Oh, I’ll be fine. I know a shorcut throught these woods that’ll get me home in no time.”
MAN: “The woods? You sure that’s wise The shape you’re in?”
GABRIELLE: “Oh don’t worry the exercise will do me good.”
MAN: “I don’t know you modern young women. Suit yourself. Ciao come on.”
GABRIELLE: “Excuse me Uh, beg pardon Sir! Ah I’m sorry to intrude What happened?”
MAN: “Damon’s what happened. Him and his gang of thieves came for their tribute. Only this time we held some of the food back. You know for our son, come winter our little boy gets awful hungry.”
GABRIELLE: “I’m so sorry.”
MAN: “Don’t be. We’re well out of it. You wanna pity someone, pity the folks of Potadeia.”
GABRIELLE: “Potadeia? Wait why why Potadeia?”
MAN: “’Cause that’s where Damon said he was striking next.”
GABRIELLE: “Thank the gods.”
GABRIELLE: “Where is everyone?”
VILLAGERS: “Hurray!”
LILA: “Gabrielle? Is that you?”
GABRIELLE: “Lila Oh.”
LILA: “I can’t believe you’re back.”
GABRIELLE: “I know! I’ll explain later. Listen a man named Damon and his gang are on their way here.”
WOMAN: “To sack and burn the village? Strip it of everything valuable? Old news, Gabrielle.”
LILA: “Damon and his men have been hitting us for food and supplies every few months since you left. They use us while his men attack other villages. I don’t suppose you’ve brought the woman wonder with you.”
PHARIS: “Who cares? We don’t need Xena to save us. We’ve hired a warrior of our own: Meleager the Mighty that’s who we’re here to welcome.”
GABRIELLE: “Isn’t he the guy who single-handedly killed 100 men at the battle of Liguria?”
LILA: “200.”
PHARIS: “2 hundred and 50.”
MELEAGER: “3 hundred and 17 but then again, who’s counting?”
LILA: “Is he dead?”
GABRIELLE: “Dead drunk!”
GABRIELLE: “On three OK? One, two, three! Now tell me again how we got stuck with him?”
LILA: “You’re the only one who’s worked with a warrior before.”
GABRIELLE: “A warrior, hah! Xena would never act like this. It shows a total lack of respect not just for us but for himself and one thing a fighter can’t afford to lose is self-respect. As a matter of fact.”
LILA: “Well if Xena’s so perfect, I’m surprised that you can stand to be around simple people like us. You know, your family.”
GABRIELLE: “What?”
PHARIS: “And so my friends and fellow citizens without further delay, I give you Meleager the Mighty!”

The villagers claps

PHARIS: “Meleager the Mighty!”

The villagers claps

PHARIS: “Meleager the Mighty!”

The villagers claps

“Meleager the Mighty!” belches

MELEAGER: “Greetings good people of Potadeia. Sorry about yesterday’s, uh, illness but uh, I’m fit now and ready to do battle with uh someone. Still I’m gonna need a few things. First, where’s my money?”
PHARIS: “Well it’s uh, it’s right here in the strongbox. If you recall the deal was you get half up front and the rest when you finish the job?”
MELEAGER: “Ah right, just checking. All right now, I’m gonna need an arsenal. So I want you to go gather your spears, knives, bows, arrows anything that’s sharp and heavy enough to become a weapon. All right run along now. That’s a very lovely hat, young woman, you should have her bathed and brought to my tent.”
GABRIELLE: “Lila look, we need to talk.”
LILA: “Talk? We haven’t talked for months, why start now?”
MELEAGER: “sticks maybe”
LILA: “I’m gonna go get our meat skewer. It’s not much of a weapon but at least I can rely on it.”
MELEAGER: “boiling oil”
GABRIELLE: “What’s that supposed to mean?”
MELEAGER: “sun-dried hard rodents are good to lift up off the road and Flinging sound Anyway, uh How am I doing?”
GABRIELLE: “Lila, would you please tell me what’s wrong?”
LILA: “I already told you nothing’s wrong.”
GABRIELLE: “Nothing!? Well if that big freeze number of yours is nothing, I’d like to see your idea of something. Now that would b,”
LILA: “My idea of something. Those men work for Damon.”
GABRIELLE: “Let’s get,”
GABRIELLE AND LILA: “ Meleager.”
MELEAGER: “So the Cyclops says to the unicorn,”
GABRIELLE: “Meleager quick! Damon’s scouts are here.”
MELEAGER: “Oh yeah? Well that’s to bad, because this is empty.”
GABRIELLE: “You’re drunk.”
MELEAGER: “Yes.”
LILA: “What’ll we do?”

GABRIELLE: “Smart move stopping right where you are, unless of course you want to take on Meleager the Mighty.”
SOLDIER: “Meleager? I heard he killed 400 men at Liguria.”
SOLDIER: “I heard 5”
GABRIELLE: “So what’s it gonna be guys? I, I ,I can’t hold this killing machine back forever. Great job, they’re gone.”
LILA:  “What’re we gonna do when they come back with Damon?”
GABRIELLE: “That’s that’s a good question. Um It’s a cinch he won’t be much use to us.”
LILA:  “But he has to be! He’s all we’ve got!”
GABRIELLE: “Well what about getting the other villagers to band with us against Damon?”
LILA:  “Without a warrior no one’s got the nerve. That’s why he has to it.”
DAMON: “Is it true? Was it Meleager?”
SOLDIER: “Sure as we’re standing here.”
SOLDIER: “They say he killed 500 men at Liguria.”
DAMON:  “I heard it was six-twenty-five, but that’s not the number that interests me. No, the figure I’m thinking of is 50,000. As in the 50,000 dinars that are being offered for the capture of Meleager.”
SOLDIER: Whistles. “Who wants him that bad?”
DAMON:  “A warlord named Cassius. Turns out his sons were at Liguria.”
GABRIELLE: “Get some water Cold water.”
MELEAGER: “I’m awake! I’m awake. I’m well aware of my surroundings, where am I? Poder, Pewter, Podoohickey?”
GABRIELLE: “Potadeia.”
MELEAGER: “Potadeia.”
GABRIELLE: “Do you realize that there are people out there counting on you? And this is what you show them.”
MELEAGER: “What do you know a farm girl like you? How could you begin to understand the kind of work I do or how I live my life?”
GABRIELLE: “You might be surprised.”
MELEAGER: “Huh!. I doubt it. Blood, killing, the gore. It would turn your stomach to hear about it. Never mind having to live day after day never knowing when the next attack will come. About the sieges? Who’s your enemy? Who’s your friend? What you’re going to have to deal with? How? And when you might freeze?”
GABRIELLE: “You lost your nerve. That’s why you drink.”
MELEAGER: “Can you think of a better reason?”
GABRIELLE: “No, but I can think of a reason not to. We hired you to get rid of Damon.”
MELEAGER: “Yeah, well you guys are going to have to buy some decent weapons. I’d say a rack of thoses Spartan javelins would do quite well. The kind that can shoot through fifteen sheets of siege wood? They make that awful whistling sound.

Meleager Whistles

MELEAGER: Scares ‘em every time. That’s what you’re gonna hafta buy, yeah.”
GABRIELLE: “And with what? Huh? The village couldn’t afford both you and weapons. They chose you. What good are special javelins if no one here can throw them? The truth is You’re all we’ve got and you’re a worthless drunk.”
MELEAGER: “OK, no more wine until tonight.”
GABRIELLE: “No more wine till it’s done.”
MELEAGER: “Well, let’s not be too hasty What will I drink?”

Lila throws water over Meleager (SPLASH)

MELEAGER: “My guess is they’ll come this way the most direct route.”
GABRIELLE: “Right. If we don’t stop ‘em here, it’s the village or nothing.”
LILA:  “What do you mean?”
GABRIELLE: “Now, what do you thing of stringing a garotte along here?”
LILA:  “What’s that?”
MELEAGER: “Good idea, we’re gonna need some coverage trees.”
LILA:  “Coverage trees?”
GABRIELLE: “Right, you go left, we’ll go right, the first one who finds coverage shouts out. Got it?”
LILA:  “I still don’t know what we’re doing.”
GABRIELLE: “We’re looking for coverage trees. Then we’ll anchor a garotte for the ambush. Now, what part didn’t you get?”
LILA:  “All of it.”
GABRIELLE: “Never mind Xena taught me what to look for.”
LILA:  “Tell me Gab is there anything Xena doesn’t know or should we build her a temple right now?”
GABRIELLE: “Lila are you jealous of Xena?”
MELEAGER: “Jealous? No, just because you chose her over me.”
GABRIELLE: “I didn’t choose her over you.”
LILA:   “Sure you did but I don’t blame you, next to Xena I must seem pretty dull. I don’t even know what a coverage tree is.”
GABRIELLE: “Lila we talked about this before I left. Now, I thought that you were happy I was getting out to see the world.”
LILA:  “I was happy, until I realized getting out meant leaving me. How come it took you so long to come home? You hardly ever sent word It was like you forgot I existed.”
GABRIELLE: “I never forgot you ever. Look Lila Xena’s my friend, yes but you’re my sister. Nobody could ever replace you. In fact you’re the reason I came home for good.”
MELEAGER: “Hey!”
GABRIELLE: “Mealeager must have found something. Now look, you see, we have to have...”
GABRIELLE: “Meleager!”
LILA:  “Meleager!”
GABRIELLE: “Meleager!”
LILA:   “Where’d he go?”
GABRIELLE: “Wherever it is, it’s a sure bet he didn’t go willingly. One guy came in. He moved here. Meleager took him down. Two of them hit him from behind and fresh drag marks, he kind a litter makes dnd they’re deep which which means that they were carrying something heavy.”
LILA:  “Meleager. Do you think somebody killed him and”
GABRIELLE: “No, if they’d killed him, they would have left the body minus the head of course, as proof. I’m going after him.”
LILA:  “Me too.”
GABRIELLE: “No. Look the important thing is to safeguard the village right? The people would panic if they knew Meleager was missing. You have to stay and make sure they don’t find out. Will you do that?”
MELEAGER: “You want me to join you?”
DAMON:  “Why not? You could be worth a lot more to me than the 50,000 dinars Cassius is offering. 50,000 alive but if I have to I’ll take the 20 for your head. Your reputation alone’s enough to make whole towns surrender to us without lifting a sword. So what do you say?”
MELEAGER: “Remove these chains, you’ll get my answer.”
DAMON:  “You make me sad. Take him away.”
SOLDIER: “Come on.”
SOLDIER: “We caught her near the horses.”

DAMON: “Who are you? What do you want?”
GABRIELLE: (Laughs) “Well those are two very good questions and not to be answered lightly. After all, do any of us really know who we are? And as for what we want, well I think it was Sophocles who once said ”
DAMON: “Kill her.”
GABRIELLE: “Oh no. You know”
MELEAGER: “Wait! You still want me to join you? A little incentive might help. You know what I mean?”
DAMON: (Laughs)
GABRIELLE: “You know”
DAMON: (Laughs) “Why not? I’ll even throw in my tent for some privacy. All the better to persuade you.”
GABRIELLE: “Hey hey hey Listen guys. I really think we can work this out. Just listen to me (Screams)
MELEAGER: “What in the name of Zeus are you doing?”
GABRIELLE: “What does it look like? I’m rescuing you.”
MELEAGER: “That’s not what it looks like.”
GABRIELLE: “Maybe not but it will now that I’m on the inside.”
MELEAGER: “You have a plan?”
GABRIELLE: “Any minute now.”
GABRIELLE: “Oh Meleager hah. Oh the gods preserve me. Oh the gods! Oh yes! Oh! Oh! No wonder they call you the Mighty! Oh! Oh! Oh!
GABRIELLE: “Once we’re out of here, we con prepare the village.”
MELEAGER: “That ought to slow Damon down, huh?”
GABRIELLE: “Yeah we got a lot to do.”
MELEAGER: “Let’s get to it.”
GABRIELLE: “Good, good, nice job.”
MELEAGER: “Gabrielle.”
GABRIELLE: “Meleager, we need to concentrate on which part of the village they’re gonna be coming in from”
LILA: “I’ve got it.”
GABRIELLE: "Once we get the ditch filled with water, then got to figger out which part of the village..."
PHARIS: “So everyone’s clear about when to stay on watch? There’s only one thing left to do and that’s to thank the man whose courage and skill we can rely on to protect us, a man whose very name strikes fear into the hearts of his foes, fellow citizens I give you Meleager the Mighty!”
GABRIELLE: “Go on. Look the town needs a warrior.”
MELEAGER: “The town has a warrior.”
PHARIS: “This time tomorrow you’ll be taking the rest of the money from this strongbox and leaving never to think of us again. But for the rest of our lives, we’ll always be grateful for your strength and fearless bravery. Three cheers for Meleager the Mighty! Hip, hip!”
VILLAGERS:“Hooray!”
PHARIS: “Hip, hip!”
VILLAGERS:“Hooray!”
PHARIS: “Hip, hip!”
CROWD: “Hooray!”
GABRIELLE: “Lila. Lila.”
LILA: “Oh Gabrielle I fell asleep on watch, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to.”
GABRIELLE: “It’s all right. It’s all right. I was keeping an eye out. Besides you deserved it. I watched you yesterday, you know what I saw? I saw a competent, caring woman. You weren’t the little girl you were when I left here. It just hit me, you are. You’ve grown up.”
LILA: “Sometimes I just think I’m growing old. But you, planning all those traps? Getting set?. Figuring out those strategies? Xena really taught you a lot, huh?”
GABRIELLE: “Yes, she did. She taught me when to fight, when to talk. She taught me how to know the difference between a friend and an enemy and she taught me what it means to have a best friend.”
LILA: “Then why’d you come back?”
GABRIELLE: “Because some things can’t be taught. Some things you either have or you don’t. Like the connection you can only feel with your sister. Xena can’t teach me that I already have it. Aw all right enough of this mushy stuff.”
LILA: “Ya we're ment to be on watch.”
GABRIELLE: “I can only imagine what Xena would say if she saw us.”
LILA: “There they are!”
GABRIELLE: “No but, I mean after she said that.”
LILA: “No, there they are Damon and his gang!”
GABRIELLE: “OK, you find Pharis. Tell him to sound the alarm. I’ll get Meleager. Go.”
LILA: “All right.”
GABRIELLE: “Meleager! Mealeager, quick they’re here!”
LILA: “I ran into Pharis.”
PHARIS: “Where’s Meleager?”
GABRIELLE: “He’s not with you?”
PHARIS: “No and look the money’s gone.”
GABRIELLE: “So is Meleager.”

WOMAN: “We should have given up in the first place!”
MAN: “If we give them the food, maybe they won’t ”
GABRIELLE: “Pharis, let’s not panic, now Meleager was important to us, yes, ”
PHARIS: “Important? We’re farmers not fighters, we counted on him. He stole our money and left us to die.”
GABRIELLE: “I can’t explain why he left but this is our chance to start counting on ourselves. Now, we have these traps.”
PHARIS: “Meleager’s the key to our whole defense. Without a warrior we’re dead.”
LILA: “But we have a warrior, Gabrielle can lead us.”
PHARIS: “Gabrielle?”
GABRIELLE: “Me?”
LILA: “Who better than a student of Xena’s? Everybody please stop! Listen to me! I’m no hero, believe me! But the way I see it we have two choices: We either take a stand and possibly die or we surrender, and die for sure. It’s time to stop talking and start fighting! Isn’t that right, Gabrielle? Isn’t that what Xena taught you?”
GABRIELLE: “Right. Damon and his men won’t be satisfied till they’ve picked this place clean. Now if you want a future we have to stop them now.”
PHARIS: “Run along, Gabrielle. This is a decision for the whole village, not an outsider.”
LILA: “Hold it! In case you hadn’t noticed, this is Gabrielle my sister! This is her village! And if you people were smart you’d realize that Xena has taught her more about the warrior arts than you’ll ever know about anything!”
MAN: “Damon’s men have cleared the woods. They’re heading straight for us!”
GABRIELLE: “Come on we’ve gone this far. Let’s give these sons of griffens a welcome they’ll never forget. Now what do you say?!”
VILLAGERS: “Yeah!”
MAN: “You want food? Here! Take it!”
MAN: “Yes!”
WOMAN: “Yes!”
GABRIELLE: “Yoo-hoo! Boys! Yoo-hoo!”
SOLDIER: “Hey! Give me some of that!”
MAN: “Hey mead breath! Woo-hoo!”
SOLDIER: “I got’cha!”
SOLDIER: “Get them!”
MAN: “Yes!”
VILLAGERS: “We did it!”
PHARIS: “Have we done it? Have we beaten them?”
GABRIELLE: “No they’ve gone to regroup. Listen! We surprised them once but they won’t fall for it twice.”
PHARIS: “Regroup? This is madness we can’t possibly win. I’m going to Damon to offer our surrender before we’re slaughtered.”
LILA: “No you can’t!”
GABRIELLE: “Listen! There’s gotta be ”
DAMON: “You fools! You let women, children and old men kick your behinds! Now, take this village or die by my blade! Front line form! And move!”
MELEAGER: “Hey! Hydra-heads!”
VILLAGERS: “Meleager!”
GABRIELLE: “Am I glad to see you. Pharis thought you took the money and ditched us.”
MELEAGER: “I needed the cash to buy the javelins.”
LILA: “Gabrielle knew you’d be back.”
MELEAGER: “That’s why I’m here. All right ladies get out of here Let me do my job move!”
MELEAGER: “I did it.”
DAMON: “Guess again. Move or I’ll slaughter her like a sacrificial lamb! I swear it. All right let’s go.”
GABRIELLE: “Oh, my foot! It’s asleep!”
DAMON: “Well wake it up fast!”
GABRIELLE: “Uh OK Maybe this’ll help.”
MELEAGER: “You’re real tough with the girls. Why don’t you try someone your own size?”
DAMON: “Hey! Look I’m sorry OK? Can’t blame a man for trying.”
GABRIELLE: “Act! Don’t react!”
DAMON: (Screams)
VILLAGERS: (Cheers)
PHARIS: “Oh sure there were a few tense moments but I never had a doubt that we could do it.”
LILA: “A dinar for your thoughts?”
GABRIELLE: “Don’t waste your money.”
LILA: “Then I’ll tell you, you love this village, love your family, your friends but you have to leave and you don’t know how to tell us.”
GABRIELLE: “It’s not just that. Oh, Lila I wanna be a part of your life. A day didn’t go by that I didn’t think of you and I,I missed you terribly.”
LILA: “You’re dreams are elsewhere. Gabrielle you are destined for great things. Your heart belongs on the road, not here in this little village. If you stay here your life will never be complete. Live life Gabrielle don’t let it pass you by.”
GABRIELLE: “I thought I was the only oracle in the family.”
LILA: “It doesn’t take an oracle to realize that you belong out there in the world with Xena, helping to change people’s lives for the better, like you did here.”
GABRIELLE: “You knew all along didn’t you?”
LILA: “Yep. You’re my sister and I love you more than anything. Don’t forget to visit us OK?”
GABRIELLE: “You can count on it.”

Gabrielle whistles

BAD GUY: “Well, well, well, we meet again. I guess you would call this a little rock and roll. Ha, ha, ha. You’re not so brave without your well-muscled friend are you? Last time we did this you and your friend chose to fight, rather than submit. Care to rethink your decision?”
MAN: “Not again!”
GABRIELLE: “Xena! When did you get here?”
XENA: “In time to see you vault that cart! Gutsy move.”
GABRIELLE: “That was gutsy huh? I didn’t freeze.”
XENA: “No you didn’t. Did you find the answers you were looking for?”
GABRIELLE: “Yeah, yeah I did. You know, it’s kind of funny don’t you think, that we should just run into each other, I mean, here?”
XENA: “Not really I was on my way to Potadeia just to see how things were going.”
GABRIELLE: “Really? So you like that move, huh?”
XENA: “Yeah, it was all right.”
GABRIELLE: “All right?! Well I could teach it to ya.”